Dear Counselor, I am a 16 year old girl in one of the mixed secondary schools in Uganda. I somehow revealed to my friends that I was still a virgin. My friends are now making fun of me by calling me names and tell me that there is a lot of water in my back which will make me sick if I don’t release it by having sex. They even told me that virginity is not normal these days as practice makes perfect. One of the girls says she can get me her brother to be my boy friend who will help me lose my virginity.
Submitted by Counselor at SchoolNet on 20th January, 2009
You may need to re-exam your friends. Good friends don’t call you names or make fun of you when you don’t do what they do or when you are not like them. Good friends should always respect you for what you are. Good friends should never force you into having sex. Having sex is a decision you will have to make after weighing out all the possible consequences of sexual intercourse.
Being a virgin is normal and very healthy and you should be proud of it. It is the best way to avoid early unwanted pregnancy with its associated responsibilities and consequences which include dropping out of school.
At this point in your life, your education should be your priority and you should desist anything like sex which may divert you from concentrating on your studies or cause you to drop out of school. Good education will guarantee a good future. Your future lies in your hands so don’t do anything for the sake of pleasing your friends.
Remaining a virgin is also one of the ways of avoiding Sexually Transmitted Infections (STIs) which include Syphilis, Gonorrhoea and even HIV/AIDS. STIs when not treated early or properly may lead to complications like barrenness or even death like in the case of HIV/AIDS.
It is not true that when you have no sex, a lot of water will accumulate in your back because biologically your reproductive system is not connected to your back.
In marriage, people look for partners whom they respect and are responsible and able to raise and look after the family and not people who have a lot of practice in sex. Your education and virginity are likely to add you additional points.
Young lady,
I am requesting you, to from this day on look at your “friends” so carefully because they do not mean any good for you. Good friends should not at all wish others do what they dont want and more so something that can lead them into problems.
When you dont have sex with a boy or man, nothing will happen to you and if anything, you are much more safe as compared to the others who have sex. When you have sex you are exposed to many risks such as pregnancy which will stop you from being in school and you can imagine how you can live outside school especially if you break from school before you complete.
At your age a pregnancy is not the right thing because your body and bones are still young and weak to hold and carry a baby and the outcome may be disastrous to your life. I have seen and heard of people who were unable to have children again in life after conceiving at a tender age( 15-17).
Good friends should be there to give us support in need but not to lead us into problems. Another thing that may come as a result of having pre marital sex is aquiring sexually transmitted infections such as HIV whose treatment is nowhere.
Virginity is very fashionable and your future husband will trust you the more if you can reach your wedding day when still a virgin.
The water that they are talking about is just a myth to scare and lead you into trouble. You will remain very okay and live your life without sex and without falling sick
I wish you all the best.